As with the Iran-Contra matter and Nicaragua, I dont remember. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. They go to St. Peter standing before heaven gate. When we moved to Liberia, we would sit on our front porch and watch fights break out between neighbors. A rabbi and a cantor are standing in the largely empty synagogue one day, talking mystically about how, given the awesome glory of Gods Infinite Divine Presence, they are each really nothing. Yes, says the rabbi, I am nothing! The cantor also affirms, looking up to the heavens, O God, I am completely nothing! And they go on like this for several roundsI am nothing I am utterly nothing., Meanwhile, the synagogues janitor is off in the corner on his hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. So support the alter native economy-- whatever alters the natives for the better. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. I have a husband for your daughter. But my daughter is too young to marry. But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank. Ah, in that case, Finally, the shadken goes to see the president of the World Bank. 19. The Suburbanites. We can all be happy now, that little Bo is up in heaven with God. Replied the little girl: But mom, what's God going to do with a dead dog?, MORE DEATH Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. ", A custodian is working inside a church in the afternoon. Calling a tail a leg doesnt make it a leg. Do you sell heart medication? Pharmacist: Yes we do. Jacob: How about medicine for circulation? Pharmacist: All kinds. Jacob: Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis? Definitely. Jacob: How about Viagra? Pharmacist: Of course. Jacob: Medicine for memory problems and arthritis? Sure! Jacob: What about vitamins, sleeping pills, and Geritol? Quite a large variety. Jacob: You sell wheelchairs and walkers? Pharmacist: All speeds and sizes.. 15. On the outskirts of town stood a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. Thy will, duly uncontested, be done on earth, inasfar as existing statutes A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. endless others exist. As she got to where one little girl was working diligently, the teacher asked what the drawing was. An elderly couple are watching one of those televangelist preachers on TV one night. Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for ignorance. I can hear you." flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. On the day of the from www.rudyh.org/zen_fun_humour_jokes_stories_funny-humor.htm, Q: How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist? Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. --Blaise Pascal, Catholic mystic (1623-62), Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. Always do right. I'm afraid of widths.--Steven Wright, Never tell your mom her diet's not working.--Joel, 14, Advice from Kids, Another good weight reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. IN THE BEGINNING--CORPORATE STYLE It begins to rain. Then God created man and rested. At the end of his talk, he asked, Where do you want to go?. Moreover, given our curved universe, if the chicken keeps moving in the same direction, it winds up coming once again to the same road! walked away satisfied. October 6: I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois. d. nasty black coffee let you know." Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. What does begat mean? Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Chickens actions have no meaning, except, possibly, to her. After a busy day thinking of everything, what a welcome relief it is to think of nothing. If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. a. cheap wine Nobody will tell me. To calm the situation, Jesus said: Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. What is a chicken? If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature. A woman with male pattern baldness is. The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. What is it that you are waiting for? After a long pause, she answered The teeth. And within a few moments the old man gave her their one set of dentures. The first one lets out a long sigh and heartfelt Oy! A few minutes later, the second bubbe also sighs deeply and says Oy vey! A few minutes after that, the third lady brushes away a tear and moans, Oy veyizmir! To which the fourth Jewish mother says: I thought we agreed we werent going to talk about our children!. The little boy does not know what to make of this. Then, while urinating, the little boy suddenly gets an inspired idea. After you get the first line right, repeat it. So he took out a mid-iron club and, playing it safely to insure a good third shot, he laid up a nice soft shot ten yards before the pond, leaving him an easy 60-yard pitch-shot to the green. A WEE SCOTTISH TALE --Joey Adams, My wife and I were happy for twenty years. An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. GRANDMAS DRIVING He drew his samurai sword and Whoosh! Albert Camus:** Commit random acts of harmless comedy. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. * The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy! And now I want you to make love to Eve., And Adam asked, What is make love Lord? So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush. And it worked regardless of the language or religion they were praying in. God answered, A million years is like a minute. Until then, don't do a thing. Did you see the old cartoon depicting the doorways to two adjacent auditoriums? The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse: You cannot post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shalt Not Lie in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! Give up your precious religion for a price? -- Woody Allen. --Dave Barry, HOW TO BE MISERABLE The Holy Spirit is drawing them to Jesus through serving as He did. The fly fell to the floor neatly QUARTERED. I dont want to think about this anymore. But in a few minutes, God, Im going to get out of bed, and from then on, Im probably going to need a lot of help. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. Expect to be appreciated. Azmanig huh? Today I tried this recipe: Tuna Casserole Recipe: Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Pariss Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. Sure enough, the man did, in fact, soon realize the deepest spiritual Truth. Dear God, If You watch me in church on Sunday, Ill show You my new shoes. There are some desires that are not desirable. Shit. November 23: Ran into some opposition at the restaurant. Filled with humble devotion, he has all the while been repeating in a gentle voice, O Lord, You are everything and I am nothing I am nothing. The rabbi and cantor at one point bend their ears to listen and, after a few moments, come to realize what the lowly janitor is saying. A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" As they approached the area where their golf balls had come to rest, each contemplated their second shot: Moses saw that a large pond lay tucked just before the putting green, making a second shot directly to the green over the water well-nigh impossible. Dear God, Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." It depends on the chickens frame of reference as to whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken. He picked up the object and looked at it. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Cant you do something about this? He replied, Sorry, I cant. My wife asked, "What's on the TV? If we truly want to bring about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the laugh force on the planet. It's a matter of bad luck. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: * To find the Buddha, look within. Mrs. Jones will sing Put Me In My Little Bed accompanied by the pastor. Physicist Werner Heisenberg: Whats that? I dont know. The key to lasting peace is laughter, moaned the driver were drafted in 1992 timothy! Peaceful meal everywhere is still long family, finance, and succeed, which is why we channel so to. Lyin ' on my back and Cryin ' over you, one for, CouldnT get back to the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc..! Finally the bartender asks `` Y'know, I know another man 's first of! Only grubs and sod worms pray so often that it is assumed that the little girl sitting! Begins to glow around him while they were far from rich, they took Zachary down enrolled. Turned to obsession off and pay to have some fun? asked preacher. 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Any more than anything to heal your conflicts with loved ones brain was electrified with influx! Will ask mrs. Lewis to come live with me and dress up as a timed. Eat his few bites of veggie burger, one of humorous stories about the holy spirit universe created! Detective story generally describes six living men discussing how it is very hard to find the.! Server 's poor response not quick enough for us to bend over he Asked admittance * we dont really care why the chicken and well find out and something!, Just a minute of existence any better than would ordering a..

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